Drug tests are quite common at work and elsewhere. And – maybe because they don’t exactly trust you – they often have to be carried out with someone watching you.
It’s not pervy, it’s just to stop you swapping the sample for one you “borrowed” from a friend that you know isn’t contaminated with traces of drugs. Not that you’d do that, but the person carrying out the test doesn’t know you.
Which means it’s a perfect stranger who’s just asked you to pee in a small container so that it can be tested.
And, even if you can normally urinate in a public urinal, this is different.
If it was a public toilet, there’s probably some kind of screen between you and the next guy. Or there’s a stall you can use.
But not when you’re asked to pee “on demand” for a test.
What can you do so you can pee – ideally sooner rather than later.
Imagine lots of running water
When I had to give a urine sample after coming out of the anesthetic after some surgery, I’d had nil by mouth for what seemed like forever and that was a difficult situation, even though the nurse wasn’t watching me.
Eventually, she turned the taps on in the sink in the room and, after a few long minutes, I took the hint and managed to give up my sample.
You likely won’t have the luxury of running taps nearby. But you can still imagine them – watch waterfalls and oceans in your mind’s eye and imagine them filling the room with water. Maybe even imagine you’re in a swimming pool or the ocean as a child and just “go” without any worries. If you can take your mind back to that place, you should be able to pee for the test.
Drink lots of water
if you know the test is happening, drink lots and lots (and lots!) of water beforehand.
Ideally, you should be bursting to pee when you’re sitting, waiting for the test.
If the test is sprung on you, ask the tester if you’re able to have a glass or bottle of water to help the process. They may or may not oblige – different situations have different rules – but if you don’t ask, you won’t get.
Take long, deep breaths
Chances are the mere thought of a drug test makes you nervous. And when you’re in the test itself, that’s compounded. Which won’t help your ability to pee.
Take some nice, long, deep breaths. Breathe in slowly for several seconds. Ideally, hold the breath in your lungs for a second or two – but don’t stress about doing this. Then slowly breathe out again.
Repeat this until you’ve calmed down.
Imagine your worries about not being able to pee floating out into the air every time you breathe out.
Bending forward puts some extra pressure on your bladder which may be enough (either on its own or with the other things suggested here) to tip you over the edge and let you urinate.
Do some tapping
Tap the region between your navel and (depending on your sex) your penis or your pubic bone.
Aim to tap once a second for about 30 seconds – you could probably explain this either by saying what you’re doing (it’s called the subrapubic tap) or just claim that it’s nerves.
Use hypnosis to help you
If you’ve got the luxury of knowing that a test could happen, get hold of this hypnosis MP3 that will help with your potential peeing problem.
Listen to it a few times over the coming days and weeks and you’ll find that your worries subside and you’re able to pee reasonably easily when told you have to produce a sample.